Snooki’s Booki (no spoilers)

I did it. I read “A Shore Thing” by Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.

Now, I have to admit that I love trashy books and silly books and high school drama crappy novels. So stooping to the level of reading Snooki’s book really wasn’t a far fall. I’ll also admit that I love love love the Jersey Shore. I think it’s wonderful in the craziest of ways. (In fact, Logan and I may have rewatched the very first episode moments ago). To be fair, if you put nearly ANY seven people in a house with no tv, no internet, no cell phones, and TONS of booze, taped them 24/7, and then pared it down to a 42 minute show… um yeah, you’ll get some footage of debauchery and dumb quotes. So putting seven loud, outrageous people who live at the extreme end of the stereotype spectrum lead to a lot of hilarious quotes and unforgettable moments.

Just another Thursday.

Snooki, who is 4’8”, usually dressed in animal print, and used to rock a hair poof so tall that she would have made any girl with a Bump-it jealous, was definitely a breakout star from the Jersey Shore. She is not, however, known for her smarts and as soon as she came out with a book, the most common joke was “Snooki can read?”

And I can’t pretend the book is a work of genius. It isn’t. But did anyone think it would be? The storyline is basically an episode of the Jersey Shore. Or even moreso, it is like a season of “Snooki and Jwow.” The two main characters are clearly a thinly veiled Snooki and Jwow. The setting IS Seaside Heights and girls are still chasing juicy gorilla guidos. The plot overall is fiction but it’s plausible enough.

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The question isn’t really whether it’s a good book, but rather, did I enjoy it? And yes, I absolutely did. I laughed a lot and knew I would finish it. I also couldn’t help give it my editorial eye. At times I wasn’t sure whether Snooki was letting the reader in on a joke (DJ View instead of Deja Vu) or whether she had a horrible editor (“red, crotched bikini top” instead of a “red, crocheted bikini top”… unless of course there were red crotches on the top…). But there were many parts that were both as funny and as ridiculous as Snooki.

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Here are some excerpts that I flagged:

When their lips touched, Bella’s heart beat up the beat. -pg 241

Gia groaned. “You can’t mean that. You’ve been single for a few months, and you’re ready to run back to a stalker? I’ve been single for years. Sorting through jerkoffs to find a decent man takes time. But you have to do it, or else become a lesbian. Don’t think I haven’t considered it myself.” Gia had done more than think about switching teams. But when she’d made out with girls, something was always missing. Something hard, jabbing her in the leg.” -p. 194

“Do you really think I’m a genius?” asked Gia.
“You bet your ass!” he said, grabbing a big handful of it. -p 63

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Rdio (I can spell, I promise)

About a year ago a little movie called “The Hunger Games” premiered along with its buzzed about soundtrack. I was in California on a work trip at the time and just had to get my hands on a copy. Unfortunately I was not in control of the rental car and decided asking for the keys to go buy a movie soundtrack would be pushing it.

Luckily I happened upon a site called rdio.com. Signing up gets you an allotted chunk of “free music” time, where among other listening options you can rock out to full albums. Their selection is amazing and praise be this site has no commercials (lookin’ at you, Pandora).

Once your free time ends you can still listen to samples of millions of tunes. Rdio is a bit sneaky; they make it seem like you can earn free music every month but really once yours runs out you are S.O.L. Subscriptions for full listening privileges start at $4.99 a month. They also have a pretty cool downloading option which lets you save playlists to your mobile device for when you cannot get service to stream. I’m pretty devoted to my iTunes and am most likely the only person left who still buys actual CDs in store, but I might consider trying this site out down the road.

If anything, I’d recommend giving this a whirl to find some new music. Oh and PS, “The Hunger Games” soundtrack kicks ass.

http://www.amazon.com/Hunger-Games-Songs-District-Beyond/dp/B0072HTHKS/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1365196178&sr=1-1&keywords=the+hunger+games

Things I think about at work on Friday…

There are a lot of things that I think about at work on Friday. Work is one of those things, but admittedly, there are plenty of tasks I can perform at work while thinking about other things. Here are today’s topics.

1. My Nails.

It’s been 5 days since I painted my nails and, though they are only slightly chipping, it is time to change up the color. Since I haven’t decided what I will wear tonight or tomorrow, I have no clue what colors I’ll need to match.

Currently, this is the color of my nails (pre-chipping):

purple

As a bonus, and because I love them, here is a photo of how I painted my nails to match my Easter dress:

orange

And a photo of my friend/coworker’s nails for Easter:

easter

2. My plans for the weekend.

A lot falls under this subhead. I have many plans for the next couple days and I need to figure out how to work them all out. What will I wear? How am I going to get from one place to another? (This is a constant theme in my life. The cab is 9 minutes. Bus is 31 minutes. Will I save that much if I ride the bus vs if I split the cab with my bf? If I drive there and cab back, do I save money? etc). I also have to figure out how to see all of my friends and have a great time, despite the fact that both nights I have two events starting within 30 minutes of each other. I’m not sure when having fun became so burdensome.

3. Lunch.

I’m always thinking about lunch unless I’m eating it. Then I’m thinking about dinner.

4. The gym.

Is it just me, or is there SO much desire to go to the gym when you know you can’t, yet SO little desire to go when you can? I spend all day at work thinking about taking a long run (ok, when I’m not thinking about lunch) and then I get out of work exhausted, hungry, and cranky. So I go home and eat while watching tv. And then I turn on the next show. And then I look at my gym shoes. And then I go to sleep.

5. Books.

I love to read. I think reading is just the best way to pass time. And though I read all day long as a profession and listen to audiobooks both to and from work, really what I would like to do is bring my anti-gravity chair onto the roof of my building on a warm day and stay there until my book is done. In 9 months of living in Chicago, I’ve now done this zero times.

My Top Five, 3/29/2013

Friday is seriously the best day of the week.  Nothing beats the feeling of “I’ve worked hard all week, dammit, I can relax a bit today!”. A woman got on the elevator this morning at floor 12, asked me to press 13 and sheepishly added she was feeling a bit lazy. I gave her a bright smile and replied it was ok; we all deserve to be a little lazy on Fridays.

In the spirit of the weekend ahead, I’ve made a list of 5 things I am currently obsessed with.

1. DO-The Art Institute: Picasso and Chicago

I grew up going to museums and learning about art, and the natural thing to do when I moved to Chicago was get a membership to the Art Institute. Recently I visited to see the new exhibit “Picasso and Chicago” and my goodness does it deliver. The exhibit will run through May 12th so there is no excuse not to make it there for a look.

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http://www.artic.edu/exhibition/picasso-and-chicago

2. WEAR-Clinique Chubby Stick in Oversized Orange

I love love LOVE the orange lip trend but unless you work in a specific industry it’s hard to pull off during the day. Enter this gorg shade from the amazing collection of Clinique Chubby Sticks. It’s super sheer which lets you build up the color as much as you like, and doubles as lip balm. Winning.

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http://www.clinique.com/product/1605/15520/Makeup/Lipsticks/Chubby-Stick-Moisturizing-Lip-Colour-Balm/index.tmpl

3. LISTEN-The Sleigh Bells, Treats

This is completely unlike any kind of music I listen to but I’m a huge fan. “Crown on the Ground” is my new treadmill jam and “Rill Rill” feels like the perfect commuting home song after a long day.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Treats-Sleigh-Bells/dp/B003KT3NS4/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1364579484&sr=1-1&keywords=sleigh+bells+treats

4. DRINK-Argo Tea Iced Earl Grey

If I’m not drinking water I’m having iced tea (unsweetened or bust), and this is by far the best I’ve had. The flavor basically hugs your mouth with every sip. This pairs especially nice with one of Argo’s pistachio macaroons.

http://www.argotea.com/

5. MAKE-Rosie’s Roast Chicken

Rosie “The Londoner” manages to be ridiculously glamorous, relatable and practical in every post she writes. Her lifestyle blog is one of my top 5 websites and is so inspiring. Her roast chicken recipe is insanely good and has become a staple in my cooking. And the cherry on top is how easy this is to make! I’m planning on serving this for Easter dinner along with a sweet potato casserole and spring salad.

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http://www.thelondoner.me/2012/08/rock-salt-roast-chicken.html

My nails today are Orly ‘Lemonade’ with China Glaze’s ‘Angel Wings’ as an overlay. I just had to pick something pastel for Easter!

Chicken and Waffle Chips

I’ve seen the buzz about Chicken and Waffle flavored chips on facebook for the last few weeks, and honestly I’ve never been tempted to try one before. I couldn’t help but laugh, however, when my boss sent out this e-mail:

Intrepid taste tester, [his daughter], reports these chips  missed hitting the perfect balance between artificial fried chicken flavor and artificial waffle flavor when she described them as:  “Disgusting. They taste like waffles.”

Sure enough, the next day a bag was purchased for our own office taste test. Here are the e-mails that followed:

Coworker1: They’re like biting into a mcgriddle when you’re expecting…anything else. Unnerving.

Me: I’d say maple syrup and dry rub. And I kind of like it.

Coworker1 *in response to me*: It’s a fair evaluation, but you’ve spent years refining your palate on crawfish taters and mcgriddles, so you’re ahead of the curve.

Boss: A very strange aftertaste. It’s what I imagine a chip that was long past its expiration date would taste like….

Coworker2: So sorry to be missing out on this unique tasting opportunity . . .

Coworker3: Not me.

Coworker4: I’m not a fan of those chips.

Coworker5: Yeah, that’s nothing that I’m running over there for.

 

The thing is, they really aren’t bad, just odd. But would I ever spend money on them or crave them? Highly unlikely.

 

Nail polish color of the day: Coral Star (China Glaze)

Double Feature

My coworker told me about a phrase one of her old managers used to use. At the end (or sometimes at the beginning) of a crappy day he would send out an email with the subject line “BITOA”. This stood for “beer is the only answer” and meant drinks after work were necessary.

Well I’m going to borrow that phrase and make it my own as NPITOA, nail polish is the only answer. Last week was killer and my saving grace was having a little fun with my nails.

First up-Butter London’s ‘British Racing Green’ with ‘All Hail the Queen’ as an accent. When ‘All Hail the Queen’ was released it was unofficially toted as ‘All Hail McQueen’, a spot on salute to Alexander McQueen.

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When my polish flaked off the next day (I kid you not; this is why I have a love/hate with Butter) I decided I would switch it up with something crazy bright….

Hellooooo, Arizona!

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Zoya ‘Arizona’, a tangerine polish that I am obsessed with. While this will look a lot better with a tan, I’m loving it’s ability to essentially give a middle finger to the cold.

On a sad note, I put a Sponge bob band-aid on my thumb last night and in the process of taking it off I ripped a huge patch of polish off my nail. The worst part is I really didn’t need the band-aid; I was just enamored by the design. Therefore don’t be surprised when another polish picture pops up sometime soon!

Best Nail Polish Names

This past summer, I was sitting with my trivia team (yep…) and mentioned the name of my nail polish. Surprisingly, the guys on the team were shocked to hear that nail polishes have name. Umm.. duh? Although I guess since many guys see in “red” and “purple” while girls see in “crimson,” “violet,” “burgendy,” and “fuschia,” I really should have guessed that the guys would have no clue. I’ll admit, dumb as it may sound, that I will TOTALLY buy a nail polish based on it’s name. Not always, mind you—typically I’m shopping for a color to supplement my collection or match an outfit. But on some days, I reach for the color bottle that has a name that makes me laugh or helps me feel sassy. My list of top 10 fave nail polish names is below with brand in parenthesis—and I admit I have to give a shout out to Zoya which has both a Monica AND a Logan polish!

Best Nail Polish Names

1. I’m Not Really a Waitress (OPI)

2. After Sex (essie)

3. Iris I was Thinner (sephora)

4. Can’t Find My Czechbook (OPI)

5. Cherry Pop (essie)

6. Snog (butter)

7. Hands Off My Kielbasa! (OPI)

8. A Good Man-Darin is Hard to Find (OPI)

9. No More Waity Katie (butter)

10. Size Matters (essie)

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